A moment of extreme fear and vulnerability…

Sometimes in life, the fear grasps you in its claw… Extreme fear…

Emotional fears can be dealt with… through willpower maybe or through some other medium…

but sometimes in life, you are physically threatened… threatened for life… you see extreme physical pain coming your way… sometimes you don’t know what you will go through so you assume it won’t be so bad… but sometimes you know exactly what awaits you… because you have suffered it in the past… the physical pain… the humiliation… the helplessness… all physical sufferings…

You keep hoping that the worst wouldn’t come… but you know that it is inevitable… it becomes a mountain of fear.. you have frightening dreams… the scary dreams don’t let you sleep… you become insomniac…

you try to hide it… hide it from the world… you start thinking maybe if you wouldn’t recognize it, it would not happen… but it does…

when it does finally happen… despite all the time you had for getting prepared…. you never find yourself truly prepared when the chess-playing hand of destiny strikes!!!

(Note: I wrote these disjointed thoughts in a draft on 7th April 2010 in a moment of extreme fear and vulnerability. Luckily, time has now proved most of those fears to be irrational, so I am publishing it now to remind myself in some distant future that things can and will get better.. and that the worst fears usually don’t materialize…)


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